SCFL Pro 3.24.19: March Sadness II! One Night. 32 Fighters. One Winner. Sadness.

SCFL is known for five things: Tournaments, unnecessary violence, being a little too long, and sadness. What is probably the second-most important show of the year (after Mr. Bianchi’s Holiday Bash), March Sadness embodies all of these predominant tenants.

32 human beings. 1 night. 5 wins. 1 U.S. title shot to the winner next week. 1 world title shot to the referee if he can make it through all 30 matches.

(See last year’s results here)

This marathon show is known to make stars and set the path for the year to come. One year ago, it was Miles Manhoef and Karate Hendrix in the finals. Now, they’re both household names. At least Miles is. Karate doesn’t seem to appreciate his lack of legacy.

Here is the unofficial list of participants, in no particular order. THIS IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE:

1. Computer Collins
2. Fun Adams
3. Leathers
4. ???
5. Pegaso
6. Karate Hendrix
7. Garden Greene
8. Gordon Garabaldi
9. Ichabod Adams
10. El Hijo de Armadillo Gigante
11. Officer Richards
12. ???
13. Officer Boon
14. ???
15. Patty Acosta
16. Boxing Bianchi
17. “Bike Bianchi”
18. Zoroastriani Brown
19. Ron Lewis
20. Federal Bell
21. Until Robert
22. Mariachi Marco
23. Zoning Zhang
24. Spencer Morgan
25. Blowhole Bernard
26. Maximo Missouri
27. OFFERS
28. DEATH WALKER
29. Freddy Fischer
30. Nightsbane Kvlt
31. Aladdin Bell
32. Choochai TrainMTGym

Who will be the next star? Who will win the most grueling tournament known to Iowa? Who will challenge Technology Cooper next week for his U.S. title, and will Discussion Davis survive to get a title shot?

Wait, is Xylop in China?